So that’s how this is going from now on, huh? I pop in here, drop a bunch of whine on you, and then flounce back out for a few weeks – or at least until I have more complaining to do?
That does appear to be the pattern, I admit. But not on purpose!
Okay, kinda on purpose. If by on purpose you mean that I really don’t have much to say except for the occasional whine right now and not a lot of mental bandwidth at the moment to pour into das blog. So, it stinks, I know, and you totally deserve your money back and everything but I…kinda spent it already so let’s just…well, maybe if you stick around long enough I’ll come up with something that will seem worth your investment. M’kay? Thx.
Let’s start with this one:
I have the dumbest dog on the planet.
I believe most of you already know this because, how could you not? Her stupidity is overwhelming and will actually come leaking out all over you if you get too close to her.
Last month we had her into the vet for shots and crap and we mentioned how difficult it is to control her anxiety. So he cheerfully (and rather quickly) offered us some anti-anxiety medication for her. Brilliant! She horks the pills down in hotdogs like there’s no tomorrow, but they’re kinda expensive so we try to only use them if we have company coming over or if she’s going to be in some other stressful situation.
The key question then, of course, is what stresses Lola out?
Bird in the backyard? Check.
Neighbors over the fence? Of course.
Adam won’t stop playing with the doorbell? What, are you NEW at this?
Plus approximately a frillion other things that may or may not send her into batcrap insane mode at any given time.
We messed around with the dosage on the meds and went through a few days of this:
Which pleased me greatly because I am evil, but in the grand scheme of things, is probably not the best thing for her. Probably. So we did some more adjusting and maybe, possibly have it about right. Except for on the days when we don’t because she is a moody little turd and some days she’s higher strung than others and hello? I thought we took care of this when we had her girl parts removed. (???)
So she continues to be unpredictable but I do admit, she is getting better as she gets older.
I was on the phone with my mother and holding Liam, who has been sick and had fallen asleep in my arms. Adam was outside drawing with sidewalk chalk and I heard the front door open, a crash, Adam started crying, and then… the almighty howl of the dammed started echoing through the neighborhood.
I’m pretty sure I said a bad word (sorry, mom) as I threw down the phone, plunked Liam on the couch, and took off after Lola. She was two doors up the street in a standoff with the mailman, who she had already bitten once. Yes. My dog bit the mailman.
When she saw me coming, she took off running again and I could only shout an apology at the poor mailman and keep running because, dude – crazy dog is on the loose. I chased her all the way down the street and around the corner and there were two little kids out playing in their yard and I was screaming at her to stop and get back here and she dropped into her aggressive crouch against the two kids when…
Their two giant black labs came shooting around the corner, followed by the kids’ dad. At this point, Lola is baying up a storm and making so much noise I can barely hear the dad holler to me that his dogs are friendly. I yelled back that mine wasn’t and no one should touch her and he can feel free to go ahead and sic his dogs on her because, dude, I was MAD.
Fortunately, the man and his dogs are all more civilized than we are because they just stood there and kept her attention until I could grab her and haul her off. More apologies to this family and by the time I got back down our street, the mailman was in his truck and starting to drive away. I flagged him down, groveled some more, and asked him if he was hurt. No, he said, she had “nipped” him but it was nothing serious. I gave the go ahead to pepper spray her next time and even offered to buy some for him and he laughed and said no way because he loves dogs. Ugh! So many very nice people in this world! What’s a girl to do?
My boys were both standing at the end of our driveway sobbing and screaming because they thought I’d run away from home and left them, and Lola was squirming and whining in my arms because she knew she was going to get it when we not in public. I herded everyone in, locked the doors, and… just ugh! No, I didn’t hurt her. But she did get a good scolding and I swatted her on the nose with a rolled up magazine. Hard enough to sting.
THEN, I had to call animal control. Because my dog had attacked a government employee, who is probably obligated to fill out some kind of report in triplicate and I wanted it noted that I was fully cooperative. They had an officer at my door in less than two hours. We got busted for not having her licensed (fee = $10) and were told to keep her under house arrest for the next two weeks. If the mailman decided he needed medical attention, we would be on the hook for his bills, but I talked to him again the next day and he said he was fine and it was no big deal and not to worry about it anymore.
I love the mailman.
Lola, however, did NOT get off so easy.
This is her new muzzle ala Lady and the Tramp and boy does she hate it! It’s really soft and padded so she can breathe and even drink with it on, but she can’t howl and she definitely cannot bite.
She wears it on walks or if she starts nipping or howling. Also, if the boys are going in and out, I either lock her in her crate or put the muzzle on because she has proven she cannot be trusted not to take off. The animal control guy recommended it and said that eventually she’ll figure out that if she doesn’t want to be muzzled, she’d better not be stupid.
Thank goodness we had just had all her shots updated when she was at the vet. We’d let the rabies one expire so it was very, very lucky she’d had it.
Oh, and the animal control officer said we were already in his system because we’d adopted the goat. I’m actually pretty proud of that and on most days, I’d much rather have the goat than the dog. Ugh!
On a brighter note…
One week!! My book comes out in one week!!
You can go here for more info and to see the trailer.